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The Way We Are

Filed under: Accepting Transvestism, Relationships, Sexuality, Transvestite, Uncategorized — 1 Comment

January 19, 2021

Time to reboot folks. My last blog was 10 months ago as the UK went into Covid meltdown. At that time I felt I had put enough on the web about being a Tranny, and any more would just frustrate those who were denied

the chance to dress and go out as they had done in 2019. God its 2021! The wrinkles have grown, but with a hint of a light at the end of the tunnel I thought we should all start to prepare for unleashing the Barbarian Horde (or should that be Herd?) on the public when we are finally allowed out. To that effect I am going to change the tenor of the blog whilst we are still in lockdown to look at improving our presentation to the world for the final months of confinement so that we arise phoenix like from the ashes of the anti-virus!

First however as a sort of catch up I would like to summarise where I think I am in terms of my own advice to TV’s out there with a few links to previous articles. As always please don’t treat this as a panacea for all your ills, it is purely my view on our wondrous lifestyle as I see it.
In no particular order I view our ‘current’ role in society as follows:

We Are Transvestites, Trannies, TVs – the word has been bastardised by society and in particular the Americans. It has grown into an absurd abuse of the true dictionary definition which is: a person who wears the clothes of the opposite sex, that’s it! I tried to define a Transvestite here The bits that other people (particularly non-Trannies) put on top of this are not the true meaning, they are enhancements or bastardisations that somehow have become norms that most Trannies reject. Unfortunately we have been subsumed into the whole TS debate and are seen as a sub-class which is wrong as I wrote here. We are far better being defined as a fetish (read the definition) than alongside the Transsexuals . But because we find it difficult to explain why we are as we are, so its gets lost and we have become the last Taboo of society .
Being A Transvestite Is A State Of Mind Not Just About The Dress – biologically I am a bloke and quite like my male side, but I have a different aspect to my personality and that is my ‘Femme ‘ (for me it’s not female) side. Firstly I feel very sexy (note not sexual as stated in this article) but more important for me is I switch off completely, relax and live in the moment, a kind of mindfulness, which in my early days of dressing I did not appreciate, then it was just a mixed up buzzy whirl.
Now I can let go, no future plans, no problem solving no decisions to make and I find cannot cook! The bloke has been coerced into a role in society that he conforms to but it does not satisfy other aspects of his persona so the Tranny comes to save him. But you are always caught in two minds see here. You will worry where it is taking you see this article. And you worry about your sexuality see here. The problem is how deeply ingrained this is. How many of us have tried to give it up or at least said that is it . You can try to define yourself as I tried in this clumsy blog here or just accept that it is a part of you it should be welcomed and celebrated. Don’t let FEAR get in the way and causing you too much stress.
Don’t Kid Yourself We Are Not Universally Accepted In Society – Far From It – bit like LBGTQ the general public has a much better acceptance of who we are than say 10 and especially 20 years ago and especially amongst the under 40’s . Acceptance though is not understanding and the older generation has a different mindset that was honed in the 70’s and 80’s when being a Tranny was a dirty word, not one of us. It still pervades and many of older Trannies are still very wary when going out for fear of rejection. Don’t let this dissuade you .That being said the actual incidence of Tranny abuse is very very limited and tends be after drink or some macho groups (both male and female) trying to show off their peers.
We Do Overthink The Consequences Of Our Actions– I am at fault here. I come from a time when it was shameful to be a TV and that is ingrained into my make up, I talked about over and under thinking here. The need to dress is a very strong need as it balances up my whole person as I tried to outline in this blog . Thinking of all the negative or worst case scenarios stops us from realising our true potential, or at least realising our dreams.
Being A TV In A Relationship With A Woman Is Very, Very Difficult– sorry to disappoint . Acceptance of you, admiring your look and enjoying your company is one thing, having a full blown relationship is much much harder. Because, as I said above, your mindset changes when you dress up and effectively you bring a third person into the relationship, and to be honest quite a selfish one at that. Trannies are so me, me, me. For most its such a short time that you indulge in your femme side and you want to make the most of it at the expense of those around you. Dressed sex in a relationship is so full of pitfalls there is a whole book yet to be written about itI I have tried to give some guidance on relationships here but its a tough one. Worst of all the hardest decision is to reveal your other self to your partner when you have hidden it for so long, this has to be done so very very carefully.
Most Trannies Are Never Satisfied – we have so little time to be on the ‘other’ side that we are constantly trying to move things on. To do things that that little nagging voice in the back of your mind is daring you to do . My Pushing Boundaries tried to help understand this but there is nothing really new. But we have to beware that in some ways it can come to dominate your life and this is when it is getting out of control. We can go down ever dangerous paths looking for a thrill that in reality is better in your head than in the real world.
We Are Very Self-Centred – Because we only let the girl out from time to time we want to make the most of it . We want admiration appreciation and sometime adoration for the work we have put into our dressing. During lockdown this has, for some, been the worst aspect of not getting out! Trannies crave attention even though they may appear very quiet and reserved. This need for attention can tend to dominate proceedings too much. I wrote an apology about how I was rude about this here but it still holds true. We are intensely introspective as its such personal thing and no two Trannies are the same. When out we can also , without realising it, become rather closed group as I said here and as such are regarded as aloof freaks by the real world. But for many of us this is a coping mechanism be it stress release, personal problems or of a sexual nature so we need it!
Sexuality Will Become A Struggle For Many – I am sure that there are some Trannies who have never felt sexy dressed up, just I have never met any. The fine line between sexy and sex is very complicated and it is not clear. I would think that boy mode equals straight, femme mode raises questions as the whole gender thing raises its horns. I wrote here about this. But the problem is the two spectrums of gender and sexuality are two separate continuums (not linked) that we all moves up and down on all the time. Beware the whole Pushing Boundaries scenarios again!

So that’s my best quick summary of where these blogs are. If like me you have come to accept that is is a real part of you and its not going away then now is the time time to focus on improving who we are and that will be the focus of the next few blogs until this bloody mess comes to a close.

Happy Belated New Year.
Keep Safe Stay Home Wear Hosiery
Tara XXX

Tags: Accepting Transvestism, Transvestism Crossdressing Relationships, Transvestite

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A Celebration Of Transvestism

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March 31, 2020

I thought in these rather dark and gloomy times it might be nice to be a bit more positive and celebrate all the pluses I have gained from being a Transvestite over the years, so here goes. Its a bit longer than the normal blog but in reality it is just a summary as the real in-depth information could take so much longer, and I will develop it over the coming weeks of isolation!

Relaxation – I have come to realise that the greatest positive I have gained from dressing has been the ability to completely switch off when en femme. To me its a form of mindfulness when I can live in the moment, I call it a blonde moment, because I find it impossible, for example, to cook when dressed as this needs some forward planning! It is at times an intensely personal, selfish thing. In my early days of dressing I used to long to go out. Nowadays I enjoy evenings dressed on my own just as much. Not that I don’t like going out but an evening getting in touch with your femme side with no outside distractions allows you to pursue a myriad of ideas that you may have without anyone judging you for what you are. It allows the feminine, the sexy and the downright outrageous aspects of your personality to have full sway over what you do without incumbencies. So liberating and deeply relaxing.
Stress Busting – this is closely allied to the former but it is more to do with a coping strategy. In this busy never-off society we all need to find ways to switch-off. Most of us get wound up in the stressful nature of today’s society and especially when things go wrong many of us do have ways to get away from it all. For some its exercise, others cooking, a special hobby, sport or other such activities. I found dressing as my mechanism of choice as an exhibitionist way of reducing pressure. It allows us to take the strain out of life for a short while and enjoy oneself, appreciate why we are living and indulge both the mind and body in positive things.

I Can Get Away With It
Confidence – going out in a frock and high heels is a most daunting task, even for the practiced. Admittedly you overthink things at times and that causes anxiety. But when you have done this then the more mundane things you might have thought ‘risky’ pale very rapidly into insignificance. I remember one of our girls telling us how she had landed a plane in a Force 8 gale on an aircraft carrier in a sea pitching 50 meters and that she was far more scared of going out due to its unpredictable nature. This in turn puts other risks, decisions and life changing moves into perspective. The old adage of ‘what is the worst thing that could happen’ is of paramount importance. I find that aspect brings added confidence to my life in general. Once you have faced up to many of your inner worries then other things come more naturally and you worry less about the consequences.
Socialising – because of the common thing we Trannies share (dressing) I have met so many people from such a wide diversity of life that to be honest I would never really have met in boy mode. You just did not mix or go to the same places, nor meet as tolerant a group of people. TV’s don’t have the myopia of the increasingly closed social groups fostered by Social Media. If it ain’t what I and my friends like then it ain’t for me is a regular thing we hear. Having a common pastime means you have a new bond with so many different types of people. In my group alone I have Electricians, an Insurance Agent, several Builders, a Merchant Banker, a conductor, Servicemen, Warehousemen, Doctors, Taxi Drivers Lawyers, Civil Servants even a Banker from Egypt. The list goes on and on and is so diverse all with one commonality, a feminine side that needs expression. This gives you a much better perspective on life and a more open attitude to society than you would have had you hunkered down with your middle class, rugger buggers at the local pub. The expression ‘we are the same but not the same comes to mind’.
Relationships – without this side to me I would never have met the my partner my LOML whom I met at a Tranny event after I came back from a long sojourn in France. She runs the Chateau Femme Dressing Service (ironically never had the chance to avail myself of these facilities!) The relationship like any TV/Boy and girl one has never been perfectly smooth (or straight) even to someone who absolutely adores Trannies! We all have our foibles that are not to everybody’s taste. But through it all It has also helped me understand what people should expect in a relationship. Not something that is the ideal written about in books or magazines but a flawed thing where the partners understand each other, give each other space and don’t judge each other by what society tells them their partner should be. On top of that you have to learn to talk to each other very openly, and for a person who comes from a ‘man up’ family background and ‘keep it to yourself’ this very very difficult and will always be a work in progress.
Understanding Sexuality and Gender – we all get caught up in the questions of who we are and why are we like we are. The great thing that dressing has allowed me is to accept all aspects of humanity and make me realise that to put anyone, including myself into a specific box is completely wrong. We are similar but different. Also to see sexuality as purely Hetero or Gay is also a load of bollocks. Its a continuum that we move up and down throughout at all times all of our lives. We all change according to situation, needs circumstances, appeal and most of all mindset. I appreciate that there is a biological male and female but few talk about what the mindset of a male and female is because its not so cut and dried. I have never regarded myself as Female but have a huge feminine aspect to my personality. I love the softer aspect it brings and the more flamboyant nature of exhibiting myself in ‘alternative’ look. I love the whole aspect of gender play from dressing to mindset it brings with it so many diverse options.
Flirting – OK we are not meant to talk about this taboo subject but these are different times. so sod it. Yes I love the whole sexy aspect of dressing. I say to my girlfriend that I get this wonderful internal buzz from dressing that I never have in male mode and it makes me a bit flirty. In my early days this took me down some dark roads never to be walked again. But this is all part of a voyage of self-discovery. My girlfriend says it like when she was a 17 year old where everything is new and life’s opportunities open up. Things have to be explored, including far too short skirts! But flirting is such a great game, it no longer leads to a Home Run (not even base 1) but it s a great little sport that almost every Tranny enjoys. Treat it as a sport though not a way to bed. You get appreciation for how you look from women, admirers and other Trannies, we all crave a bit of that. I particularly appreciate those from women who know how long the look took me to do. Then a conversation is built on banter and sexual undertones and that creates a charged frisson in the air. Gives one a real bounce at the end of the night. But be realistic this is a kind of fantasy existence and it all comes off at midnight so don’t let the fun spoil the comedown! Its such great fun to play with the head, a ‘mind fuck’ but believe me the illusion is so much better than the reality.
The Journey – as with anyone I am jealous of those who those who are just embarking on this wonderful bumpy ride. When I started the internet was in its infancy and we had little knowledge of who was out there and what they were doing. It was all too focused on sex and not the fun of what we do. The two aspects got too muddled. Now its more mainstream its not quite as ‘naughty’ as it was and is therefore more acceptable. Today information abounds and the help we can get is incredible. But the real fun is how you develop your Tranny side from dreadful make up and underwear to the beautiful phoenix that arises from so many appalling bonfire. We learn we improve we move on. This voyage of self-discovery is not all pluses, it cost me a marriage , a destruction of trust, times of shame and occasional regret. But it has also brought a greater recognition of myself, some mad sexy evenings, a better appreciation of life and finally much greater inner calm.
Understanding Me Better (though not totally) – part of the fun of writing these blogs has been coming to terms with who I am rather than the person society made me become. There are various things that mold you such as age, circumstances, life changes etc. But there are also innate things within you that have as strong a hold on your person. I have realised I have two strong personas in me. The Boy/Man who has a strong, rational, planner mentality (quite OCD) and the counterbalance creative, mad OTT femme side. I think this just creates the balance that we obviously need the Yin and Yang of life. I sense that those that don’t have this balance will be quite stressed a lot of the time. Women probably have this more than men as they may feel less compelled to fit into a very restrictive mold that is given to them by their biological peers. I think we could write a bloody thesis on this subject. Suffice to say by understanding the two sides of my nature I think I am a more complete person, though I doubt my girlfriend would say that when the grumpy controlling autocrat is out!
Society Has Changed For The Better – For all the faults we see in today’s society and the rose tinted older people who say ‘it was better in my day’, today s society is a much, much more tolerant, benevolent place than it was when I first started dressing. Yes there is still prejudice and wrong assumptions about, but it is far, far less than it was believe me. People, particularly the young are receptive and tolerant of other people’s quirks, as society fragments into more and more smaller tribes and groups so the ‘oddball’ is accepted and largely encouraged. I do however worry about today’s liberal left ‘Woke’ generation that is now blocking expression unless it conforms to what they think. In its turn this will come to haunt us. For the moment thank you to society…in general!

OK Its Girls But The Thinking is there

I think this is just a starter for what has been a fantastical and fraught ride and that I will update this blog as I think up the many new positives. I am sure for the vast majority of you who are in the closet hiding this dark secret from others this will be an incredibly frustrating time. But the reality for most of us that we are all finding it frustrating not being able to show the word the other side.

Keep your distance keep safe and see you on the other side

Tara XXX

Tags: Accepting Transvestism, Crossdresser, Going Out Dressed, Relationships, Tranny, Transvestism, Transvestism Crossdressing Relationships, Transvestite

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Over Thinking…Under Thinking

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March 6, 2020

You are not thinking clearly

We have a tendency to overthink many of our so called ‘problems’ related to Transvestism. In particular the idea that on every corner of every street there is someone who will ‘clock’ you in femme mode and you will be exposed to the world for the pervert you are and your whole life will be ruined. The chances are so slight. You are also wrong on 4 premises. One that people are actively looking to spot a Tranny, two you have made no effort to dress and are just a bearded bloke in a dress hence are totally reconisable, three that there are people in the vicinity that know you and four they want to make your life miserable by going behind your back!

My girlfriend who, as you know, runs the Chateau Femme dressing service says she sees it on a daily basis. The T’s who come to see her are at times paranoid about being discovered. Frightened of photographs, a smudge on their collar or eyeliner left after the event and petrified someone is going to jump out of a wardrobe and photograph them inflagrante delicto. Though I can understand they have some worries, as I did in the early stages, some do become so frozen by their worries they cannot enjoy the moment and life becomes even more stressful. If you make the decision to do it let the fear go.

In my experience I have never, yet, been discovered in the flesh, or not to my knowledge or chagrin. And to be honest I don’t care as much as I did 20 years ago as its much more acceptable these days. If somebody spots us they tend to miscast as a TS and are worried the liberal left ‘wokes’ will view them as anti-Trans so say nothing! Such a weird society we live in!

I must say however that despite this whole tolerant, politically correct society you still have to accept that you are an aberration from ‘the norm’ and long may we be so. Embrace the naughty (OK femme) side, but beware that in some cases we tend to over or under estimate the consequences.

So lets look at the two aspects as to how we tend to over or under think things relating to Transvestism:

OverThinking

You are going to be discovered if you post a pic on-line – as I say to everyone if you post a pic or are part of a group pic then this is going to be broadcast into the webosphere forever. Once its gone its registered, however your chances of being recognised in your male persona are pretty close to zero. Though with Face Recognition technology improving rapidly this may become more frequent in the future. But then someone has to be quite malicious to want to do this. If you want to bugger up the technology make a minor alteration to you r face using some of the ‘beautifying’ apps such as Portrait Pro and Adobe Photoshop and if its discovered in 10 years who will care. Just take a look at all the before and after shots of Trannies and the difference is quite considerable if they go to great efforts to make-up, do the same.
You are going to be recognised when you are out – look at the pictures of girls pre and post transformation again, they are pretty unrecognisable even when the 2 pics are up against each other. Yes you will be seen as a TV/TS but beyond that few people stare. Look at how you look at others in a public place, we don’t look at the detail we look at generalities. That being said if you are wearing a long pink wig, a PVC mini-skirt and 6 inch stilettos then you will attract a more than cursory glance. But then if you are doing that then I think that is what you want anyway. Most of us have realised that the bulk of people of people are just getting on with their life and more interested in themselves and their social media circle to really worry who you are and what you are doing. Yes some places are tolerant others less so. The rule is to think why you should go to a particular place or not.
You are going to attract derision from ‘the lads and ladettes’ when you are out – I talked to 10 of my friends about this and we worked out we had been out over 2000 times and in that period we could only recall 10-12 times (4 were women orientated) when we had had a problem, normally due to excess alcohol. In general we found we were accepted as an oddball making a bit of a statement and the vast majority of people were interested in why we were as we were. So if you stay away from late night bars with drunks then you are safe as houses
People think you are Gay because you dress – yes there are a lot of TV’s who exhibit bi-sexual tendencies when dressed and yet have none of these desires when in boy mode. I have always maintained we live on a gender and sexuality continuum and we move up and down it from male to female and heterosexual to gay. There are too many boxes and we are fluid according to our situation. We all have varying and different aspects to our personality. Most also like naughty oddball sexual encounters. It just means we don’t want to be judged by a conformist strict code set by an intolerant left leaning liberal Twitterati. People tend to generalise in their minds so its for you to persuade them otherwise, unless that’s your bag! Live life and don’t let others set your agenda, you only have one and believe me it is a short one! Less than 6% of men are out and gay and less than 1% are ‘out’ Transvestites, so get people to do the math. Remind them why you like to dress and what it does to you, after that its over to how they accept you.
Dressing Service and Mistresses will publish your details all over the internet – as my girlfriend says if she was to publish anything on the internet without peoples approval her business would be dead in 6 months. Same applies to anybody in the Personal Services business. Their business relies on discretion and their peers will be furious should any of them break that code of honour.

Be objective not subjective

Yes there are a few in the Sunday Papers who take the money to kiss and tell, but that is for celebrities, those people want their 15 mins of fame and are soon forgotten. The vast majority of them are just decent honest working people who have identified their niche in the market to make money. Most genuinely like Trannies and find them mildly exotic. Some are rip-off because they are not really into the business, just want to make a quick buck, and thought this was a way to easy riches. Both they and the customers soon find out it is not. It never ceases to amaze me how many genuinely nice women are in this very, very stressful business and still remain very kind. Remember it is they that have to open the door to a maniac like you!!
You do not pass so people will laugh at you – confidence is the key to this. Not every woman is your ideal beauty but there are so many whose personality transcends any mild weaknesses in their hair, make up or dress sense that makes just a great person to be with. That is so much more than being the perfectionist that looks immaculate but that just sits in the corner and contributes nothing else to the party. Part of the fun of being out is mixing and getting people’s attention and embracing all aspects of your femme side. If this frightens you just stay at home on your own…NOT!
Fear Is the road block – I covered this in my FEAR article a couple of years ago. The fact is that fear paralyzes rational thinking, action and fun. Overthinking situations leads to compounding this fear Yes I think a tiny bit of healthy fear is right as it keeps us awake and alive to any potential threats, it makes the moment more exciting. Just ask yourself what the most realistic outcome will be, then get on with it!

Under Thinking

If you have hidden it for many years from your partner it will be better for you when its out – thinking that telling your partner about your femme side might take a load of stress off you, but it dumps everything on your partner. This however is not about stress but about trust or the destruction of it, the essence of a good relationship after openness. If you look at my previous posts on coming out its probably going to be a lonelier life. The problem is not the dressing but the fact you have hidden it for so long and the trust between you built up over the years is blown and in a very, very short space of time you will have turned their world upside down. They in turn will tend to overthink things. You will be listed as a liar and a cheat who is Gay and is playing away all the time. Many partners find it hard to come to terms with the fact that there is a very different person sitting in front of them who was not part of the original package and they think their old life has gone West, especially if the friends and family find out. Think and plan very clearly if you are going down this route, there are enough books and articles to read on it before you do such a thing
Once you are out it will be easier – its probably a great stress buster getting out and enjoying being a Tranny in wider society but there is still a lot of stigma attached to the whole crossdressing thing. Many people don’t get it and as happens when people have no comprehension they immediately put the worst connotations against it. Yes they will say you look great you are a fantastic dresser but in reality you have to persuade them that you are not a threat to society nor will you murder their children in their beds. You will encounter prejudice because you do not conform to the intolerant liberals who are starting to control our lives and denounce individualism in return for the so called betterment of an ethnocentric society in general.
Relationships will be easy if your partner meets your femme side – As I said in my article about relationships the other side our femme side brings out another personality from within us. In the majority of cases I have seen this is a softer more relaxed person that is distinct from the boy side. This may be fine for you but your other half has to be able to cope with the ‘other person’ in your relationship. One minute they have a stronger man planning ahead, making decisions and being fairly direct with them, the next they have a person who is laid back living in the moment not really worrying about what is to come. You are forcing them to adapt and that is not what they bargained for when you first met! Its so much better to meet the T-Girl earlier on and find out what you have in common. The reality is you have to go very slowly. You want to show here because you have been doing it for so long she is still in shock and wants no more. She will say yes I would love to meet X but you have to let her determine the time and place when she is the right frame of mind. She has to be a very strong minded open woman so do not push it. I have seen it so many times the Tranny is so desperate to show their partner their femme side its like being picked up by a person you know has had no fun for ages and just wants an encounter. Your mind says not today thanks.

Therefore I am a Tranny
Its a passing phase that I will grow out of – Not in my experience. The desire to dress waxes and wanes from time to time but in my experience it is there at the back of the mind. I remember my father giving up smoking at 60 because of thrombosis and when he was 84 he said that never a day went by without him thinking of it. But he was strong willed enough not to do it. I have gone for long periods without dressing but it has been an ever present, especially times of loneliness and stress its great therapy.

The intense feelings it sums up are things I miss and I always seem to come back to. For those who use it as a coping strategy in down times it can lie dormant when the problems go away, only to return when pressure returns or when it is substituted for something else! For others its a great kink for when vanilla life becomes too boring vanilla life, I have friends who, when they don’t have a girlfriend, use it as a substitute for sex and when they find a new relationship it recedes to the back of their mind only to return when times get a bit tougher or life needs some new challenges! For very few its a constant as we battle, no too strong, PLAY between the male and femme sides of our personality. Embrace it and don’t feel too guilty about it.
Age will wither it – No again sorry but so many TV’s actually find themselves in their 60’s and 70’s as their life circumstances allow the closet TV to come out. Its such a strong form of expression that it persists into very old age! Some have suppressed these feelings for so long because of their relationships and family, when these no longer apply they embrace theses aspects. The bulk accept that this is how they are and the majority always always regret not having done it earlier, but accept life is about choices.

I am sure there are hundreds of other ways we can look at why we over or under think things. The fact is that the way to view it is if it does not hurt another person then stop thinking too much. If another person is involved then think hard before you take any steps

TaraXXX

Tags: Accepting Transvestism, Coping with Transvestism, Cross-dressing, Going Out Dressed, Leaving The Cupboard, Partnerships, Relationships, Sexuality, Tranny, Transvestism, Transvestism Crossdressing Relationships, Transvestite

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Pushing Boundaries

Filed under: Accepting Transvestism, Going Out Dressed, Sexuality — 1 Comment

January 16, 2020

A Tranny is never satisfied. They constantly want to challenge themselves and others. They get a real kick out of overt expression and the challenges it brings.

It is great to watch the TVs that come and go at my girlfriends dressing service Chateau Femme. The newbies are grateful just to be out, the regulars always want something new, a constant challenge. In both cases they want something different to their normal (drab?) daily life. An escape to express another side of their personality. A little bit shorter, a little tighter, showing more skin, maybe PVC or leather, going out, some interplay…the list goes on and on They get a thrill from being taken out of their comfort zone and gain delight from nbeing different.

Young beautiful business woman with speech bubble thinking about something. Girl with glasses the European type on background of pop art style

This also applies to going out as well. I have been on jaunts with various groups on a regular basis over the years but to be honest got rather tired of the same old chat round a table in a restaurant then onto a club where the music was so deafening and I could not make good conversation, and I had to accompany the smokers outside (me being a non-smoker). I just got bored of it and myself wanted something different. This is after all a hobby that I like to push forward and develop.Not stand still, which in the heels I wear is not easy I can assure you!

It was nothing new or special, just the same old thing. I needed a challenge somewhere new to discover and show off. ABBA nights, Rocky Horror shows, Torture Garden and Drag nights. These are an extension of the ‘fun’ aspect of Tara, a further walk on the wild side, never wanting to standstill and say yep that’s it. I found myself exploring new dressing avenues such as drag, goth and rubber/PVC. I was trying new venues, new events and new situation. Just pushing the boundaries a bit at a time. I was/am the classic TV that needs to express themselves and dreads the thought that I just have to settle for the way things are. And of course it feeds the biggest sex organ of all. The mind.

How many Trannies reading this blog have worn a dress maybe 2 times then said been there done it need a new one, its a new event its a different situation I need to express myself in a different outfit, if you have the money. How many of us have T wardrobes larger than our male ones. But then again there are so many more options and don’t even talk about shoes. I said don’t talk about shoes!

I mentioned in previous blogs that I see TS’s as trying to fit in and tending to downplay their dress. TVs on the other hand like, sorry love, to show off. Sometimes within the confines of a club but also at other times in public. They seem to get a thrill out of challenging people’s perceptions, making them feel slightly awkward. They get some obtuse pleasure out of making people feel uncomfortable because they are doing something that is outside the accepted norm but it feed their ‘show off’ mentality.

I think this all stems from the original premise that so many TVs got such a buzz in the early days of doing something that was a bit naughty and that in order to continue this buzz they have to constantly have a new fix to regain that feeling. Something that continues to be a bit mischevious. This is fine as long as it doesn’t move from being odd ball to offensive. Some however do overstep the mark. This is particularly relevant in today’s society which is much more open and accepting of different lifestyles than in my early days. Yesterdays naughty is today’s norm so the Tranny has to be even more showy in order to stand out and that is maybe where it gets out of hand. Worse it dismisses other peoples sensibilities. Like the comedian who makes you feel a little awkward but then goes on to be downright rude. There are limits girls!

It starts in the early years with the basic dressing just the fact that a Tranny puts on some form of female apparel stirs feelings within, yes I know they can be classed as sexual, but I think that may be a bit misguided I think its just more sexy. It feeds a need to be interesting and exciting. From there comes makeup, shaving body hair and prosthetics. Then the urge to get out and show the world comes along. Some can do this others have a family life where the problems of being discovered would cause immeasurable damage so they stay at home..frustrated.

So the dressing service provides a very good intermediate stage. Here they can find a style that suits them and start to learn about themselves and meet others in private where they can talk to empathetic people who relate to their lifestyle. All the time the inner buzz is being sated by the demon dressing and all the time there is a desire to push it just that bit more.

What about going out on your own? What about a sexual encounter? What about a Mistress experience? Could I dress up as a maid? Should I put a video online? Maybe Adultwork? So many options just to push things just that little bit more. Some find their perfect place others continue to expand their options. I have not yet forund the end and am glad I haven’t the challenge is part of the fun.

How is this going to end? Well firstly you will try many that are dead ends, been there done it got the (tight fitting t-shirt), but not for me. Others are a rabbit hole you know you shouldn’t go down but you have to feel how far you can take it. Some of us have the sense of purpose to realise things have gone far enough others do not until they end up in a place they should never have been, but what a ride. At this point you take stock have some time off to reappraise what it has all been about. Then on you go to the next challenge. Whoopee! So it doesn’t end, however it coomes and goes in waves and sometimes you take a step back to appraise things

I have had something like that over the last few months ago. I realised because I had so much free time (semi-retired) I was trying an oddball augmented reality that was not really me. I saw that the Tranny thing was becoming far too absorbing, principally because I was a classic male who had to be occupied by something. I was buying endless amounts of shoes and clothes, spending too much time on-line looking at videos on better make up, posture and clothes. Sitting on Twitter, Facebook and the like as if it was reality. If we were gong to have a night out I needed a new outfit (despite already having so many clothes). I would plan the night 7 days in advance. I could do little on impulse as I needed the buzz of the build up in planning the outing. It was becoming time consuming and it needed a reality check.

I also saw it in others who were almost restraining themselves from turning fantasies into reality. They would talk incessantly about the next steps. A meeting with another Tranny, a strap-on, maid service, pvc and leather, bondage etc. etc. etc. They were also online all the time and it was becoming all pervasive in their lives. Its a hobby, but like the golfer who plays 5 days a week, talks golf, watches it on TV and is a constant at the Golf Club bar taking golf again it needs reining back! It was becoming more than a fun pastime for me, more an obsession.

Then one day after a serious discussion with her ladyship I took a step back and said STOP! Probably a bit like an alcoholic realising that this is having an adverse effect on their life and partner. I stepped back from public life except from an occasional outing and confined dressings to home. Slowly over the last 18 months I have got out bit by bit, but it is no longer a person who wants to push limits. It is now a Tara who has come to terms with herself. The wardrobe has reduced (size 14/16 and size 8 shoes abound at Chateau Femme for anyone visiting), I limit my visits on social media and find other interests. Anyone for…

Tara has not gone away. She still dresses in tight fitting clothes and skirts that are probably a bit too short and high heels but it is a more measured approach and the strong desire to push boundaries seems to have abated, for the moment. I no longer worry if I miss out on going out as the group Susies Angels will attest. I notice that more recently things are more balanced despite the mayhem of new girls arriving at the dressing service to push boundaries continues apace! Only time will tell where the next experience will come from so watch this space.

Tara XXX

Tags: Accepting Transvestism, Coping with Transvestism, Crossdresser, Transvestism, Transvestism Crossdressing Relationships, Transvestite

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New Year New You…Not Really!

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January 6, 2020

I haven’t written much in a long time but as its now 2020 thought I would start again as a New Year tends to be filled with new resolutions that are normally forgotten by Burns Night!

I was reading one of those interminable articles about how to change your life and thought why not one for Trannies. We make resolutions to dress more or less to go out more or less to do something different or wilder. So many thoughts so little time.

One thing that did strike me during this process was that despite dressing for over 30 years now I still felt guilty about it. I come from an older generation where we were indoctrinated that what we did was morally wrong and reprehensible. So I developed my way of hiding it and doing everything in secret. Even to this day if I look anything Tranny on the web or buy something new I still feel guilty about it and rarely share what it wit others. Its so deeply ingrained from years of hiding it. And I live with a woman that runs the Chateau Femme dressing service! If I can’t do it then there are thousands of others out there who are in a similar position enjoying the fun of dressing but at the same time having the thought I am committing a disgraceful act, that is morally reprehensible to the bulk of society.

Is It Time For A Change?

Yet at my core I know this is me and that it is my mindset that has to change in the New Year. The problem is the way I approach it and the way I embrace being a Tranny. I understand why I feel guilty now I have to look at it from a different perspective.

Being a Tranny is not bad its a lifestyle choice. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea but it is much more acceptable than it was 30 years ago. We live in a much more tolerant society. Yes there are still those (male and female) who are appalled by it but they are in decline or at least are forced to hide it by the new liberal Twitterati. We have however lost a lot of our identity by being bracketed with the ever growing TS members of society and this is wrong for people to understand us. If you would like to see my concerns about this read my reclaim article
Its no longer as ‘bad’ to be out in public. So many cross-dressers and Trannies hide at home for fear of being discovered that they have been hiding it from their partner for so long that they dare not venture out at least once. On the latter I am afraid there is no easy answer as I have intimated in previous blogs when it comes to trust issues with your partner from which you have hidden your other side! But on the former I would say first it is very rare that, if you are properly made up, anyone would recognise the guy behind the mask and secondly many find it interesting to talk to people like us who offer an alternative view on life from the humdrum vanilla existence. I find women in general very open to my femme side though in the main they don’t fancy a Tranny. For many men I think I bring out an element of cross-dressing that they would like to try for a bit of sexy fun with their partner. The labels dress as a male, dress as a female are being blurred just as make-up and the look of the androgynous human that pervades magazines these days
A Tranny is not a pervert. Enjoying dressing is a pastime for most of us and is part of our make up. Too many in the past have tried to identify this as an aberration rather than an aspect of our personality. We are just different. Finding enjoyment in expressing our femme side is not wrong. We are allowed to look prettier than the balding, graying, boring, bloke who is confined to wearing jeans and T-shirt and talking sports. Ask others to embrace the alternative you but don’t be as blazen as far too many extremists who push things in your face be they TS’s, Vegans, Communists, Religious Zealots and the like. Let them see your loving side!
Its OK to feel sexy. I know from my own personal experience I feel a sexiness running through me when dressed that I never feel in bloke mode. This applies in both the fact that I feel a little attractive and alluring (in comparison to the bloke) and there is general excitement about the look. Don’t confuse this with sexual please. My girlfriend says she sees it happening in front of her during her dressings. She can appreciate it but has never experienced it. Though she likens it to when she dressed as a teenager and the immense buzz that gave her. Its probably why so many of us dress in so called ‘inappropriate’ way as this makes us feel sexier. Some people allude to the fact that many of us dress like our ideal woman. But I think that us too simplistic its more about the buzz it gives you and how we love trying so many looks always trying to move towards some goal, whether it be losing weight, a more toned body, better makeup, better posture, walking in higher heels etc. etc. etc.
If sexy makes you sexual then get on with it. All the usual moral codes apply here but at the back of most Trannies minds is a little ‘what if’ nagging away. We all have it and in my next article I will look at it. But the reality is that dressing makes us more expressive and our alter ego that normally lies dormant comes out. For some of us that is a sexual drive and a want to expand our boundaries. Sometimes this is an itch that has to be scratched. From experience I can only say that the more you think about it the more you are building it up to be something bigger than it really is. For some however they are replacing something that has been lost in their day to day life and this can be seen as a substitute for what is missing.

So back to New Year resolutions. Ditch them and ditch the guilt. Embrace the fact you are not some morally deviant freak who outrages the bulk of society. Bugger the contrition and get on with a positive attitude about you and your approach to society. Read a couple of articles on the web on how to change your mindset and get rid of the elephant in the room that is stopping you from being you and creating all the associated stress that is occupying too much of your time. Remember being a Tranny is a pastime not a full time change however it gives meaning and happiness to you and it is important that you stop the killer that is stress. If this is continuously going round and round in your brain it takes up too much of your thinking time and can cause anxiety in you and strain in your relationships.

We only have one life and believe me it is very short. XXX

Tags: Cross-dressing, Transvestism Crossdressing Relationships, Transvestite

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Can We Reclaim The Word Transvestite And Tranny Please

Filed under: Accepting Transvestism, Sexuality, Transvestite, Uncategorized — 2 Comments

September 27, 2018

I am fed up with people putting me down because I call myself a Transvestite or a Tranny which many see as a rather vulgar and demeaning word. It’s not. This in my opinion shows they lack the understanding of the words their heritage and how our TS sisters on the other side of the pond, in particular, have come to bastardise their meaning due to their own misuse of the vernacular in pursuit of a very different agenda to our own.

The dictionary defines a Transvestite as a crossdresser, someone who wears clothing from the opposite sex for psychological reasons. Then some definitions (particularly American) add the line ‘for sexual gratification’. It may be all of these it may be some but the reality is that its a catchall for trying to simplify something that is not simple, which I hope I have demonstrated in these blogs. Its wrong and lacks an understanding of where the words came from and how they have come to be used or is that abused. Angry Woman. Furious Girl. Negative Emotions. Bad Days. Bad Mood

Angry Woman. Furious Girl. Negative Emotions. Bad Days. Bad Mood

Let us look at the history. Transvestism wasn’t really coined as a term before 1911 and the word has gone through several changes since originally being for a medical disorder, or the sexual interest in crossdressing also known as transvestic fetishism. The word crossdresser did not originate until the 1970’s but the fact that some of these people linked dressing to erotic fantasies meant that Transvestites got a bad name for themselves. Seeing a 6 foot, 90kg bloke in short leopard print dresses unable to walk in high heels and a cheap wig did not help!

As a result, particularly in the USA, calling someone a Tranny or Transvestite was used as a derogatory term. It also got messed up with all the other Trans (Transsexual, Transgender) groups where anybody with a ‘trans something’ in front of them was called a Tranny. They lumped us all together to start with. The Transgendered community in particular hated being associated with ‘dressing’ and its sexual (not gender) elements and set about degrading it for their own purposes as it was not what they were about.

On top of this the multitude of definitions in the last few years has blossomed to become so mixed up particularly with the growth of Transgender and Transsexual identities that we have been incorporated into a smaller group in which we do not belong.

Amongst all of this the Transvestite and Crossdressing activities have been relatively subsumed and deemed irrelevant to the TS’s which queers their pitch as society wakes up to this intersex debate. Transgendered people are fighting for their identity which is highly laudable but not at the expense of being downright insulting to a strand that in actual fact is a much, much bigger percentage of the population. Trannies are looking for a form of expression for their personality leave them alone.

The problem is that we Transvestites are not part of this group we don’t want to be full-time women. In fact it was the TS community that were wrongly labeled with the word Tranny which belongs to our group. Our issue is more an identity issue not a gender thing. To make matters even worse, in my experience, is that our group outings give transsexuals an early solace for them to express their identity only for us to discarded with relative venom as they realise they are different. How many times have I been told by a TS who I have nurtured but you are not a woman ‘I am’ . You are bloody right I am a Tranny and stop bastardising my definition just because it doesn’t suit you. Get your own vernacular and leave ours alone! You may have gender dysphoria but we embrace the femme side of life alongside our male side. Nicely balanced!

So now let’s try to define ourselves to the world as clearly as we can. In this way we should become more acceptable and palatable to a wider consensus who currently see what we do as more of a perversion (well the over 40’s do!). I believe that for the majority of us dressing or crossdressing in whatever form releases another aspect of our personality. Yes it could have a sexual element (is that really so bad?) but the true part it allows is the release of the feminine side of our mindset as a counterbalance to a male role that we have been conditioned to be by society. Roles for us are too strict we need broader acceptance.

I am of course going to immediately argue that the definition is still to simple as so many Tv’s say to me there is more than one side to my Tranny personality and the style of dress I adopt releases a particular aspect of their persona which is hidden. Dressing is that trigger for an inner self that lies hidden. Yes I may dress in a shorter skirt today because I feel sexy. Tomorrow it will be a longer dress because I feel classy and the next day its a simple set of jeans and boots because I feel incredibly relaxed when wearing them. It’s a great switch off mechanism.

I am going to stop there and let the debate begin because this is getting into the realms of an essay for the British Psychological Journal. I want to help people understand themselves not bore them to death like a Wagner Opera! Oops now pissing off the opera buffs as well!

All I want to do is establish that being a Transvestite is a good thing for both the Tranny and those around them. They tend to be soft creatures much less outspoken and more accepting than their TS counterparts. Their time is spent in sexy contemplation of being able to release the femme aspect of their personality. They love to indulge in the fun aspects of their life that they can’t do with the lads who have a very different mindset.

So please allow us to own the words Transvestite and Tranny and don’t denigrate them to match your personal and political machinations. We Trannies need our identifying marks as well. We are the silent majority that just gets on with being ourselves. As they say you never really win an argument by being rude about others xxx

Tags: Accepting Transvestism, Cross Dresser, Cross-dressing, Crossdresser, feminine persona, Going Out Dressed, Partnerships, Passing, Tranny, Transgender, Transvestism, Transvestism Crossdressing Relationships, Transvestite

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An Apology To Those Who Like To Show Off

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September 6, 2018

In an article I wrote in January I wrote about the problem with many Transvestites was that they talk far too much about themselves and listen far too little to others. I have to apologise to all my TV friends about them talking about themselves too much as I now realise that being a TV is very much about standing out and making a statement, and by contrast being a Transsexual is all about blending in with society in the gender role with which you feel most comfortable you feel most comfortable.

OK there are 80% of TV’s that are still in the closet who have little or no chance to stand out because they are locked away for one reason or another. But I don’t believe it takes it away from the fact that most of us do like the appreciation we get when we go out dressed from the broader minded members of the general public. Its our statement that we hope others will like.

I Can Get Away With It

My partner who runs Chateau Femme Dressing Service sees it on a daily basis. Initially her ‘girls’ are too embarrassed to go out but with a helping hand they step over the threshold and then there is no stopping them. After that they almost crave the attention of someone looking at them because it is the culmination of their journey to finally have an element of acceptance in society.

There is also the by-product that they now have an audience to talk to about themselves after years of hiding it all away and they want to tell everything to any poor soul who shows an inkling of wanting to listen to them. It won’t be another Tranny because they’ll also be wanting to do the same thing. It’s a poor member of the public that gets both barrels for hours on end! Sorry fellow Trannies but its a reality!

Once a Tranny is out they are embarking on a very different journey to a TS. For the TS it is a permanent change where they become part of the social fabric, for the TV its a vital expression of a part of their character. For one its a lifestyle change for the other its a journey into self discovery. Society accepts the TS because they understand how they feel being born into the wrong gender. A TV is not really accepted because it is seen as more of a perversion rather than changing your life. This in turn attracts little sympathy or appreciation from the broader society. And let’s be honest we don’t really understand how or why we are as we are so how the hell should anyone else understand us. Just enjoy our time on the Femme side and don’t over think it.

I think that in essence most TV’s do like to show off a little, its part of our make-up but it’s still not as acceptable as it could be. Drag Queens get away with it because it is seen as part of their act, but for Trannies it’s probably a little too close to home for too many people. They realise that anyone of us could be their ‘normal’ neighbour’ from next door.

I also think that quite a large amount of the group that do go out like an element of the shock value that seeing a Tranny creates, they like the attention. I think they get a perverse thrill out of taking members of the general public out of their vanilla comfort zone and shaking things up a bit. They have fun making others uncomfortable and the best of those are the drag queens! There is a huge element of the peacock (or is that pea hen?) amongst Transvestites who want to be seen and then, of course, heard. I am not sure if it is an extrovert trying to get out of an introverted existence or not.

So many of us need this form of expression to release an inner self and in doing so comes a more expressive person that at times starts to talk about themselves…too much, with little regard to how bored others are becoming with the incessant one-way verbiage that the ‘for one night only’ Tranny gives out. It is quite funny watching a group of us round a table as blokes we talk in stories as TV’s we want to talk inner feelings, but the problem is none of the other ‘girls’ round the table want to listen! So woe betide the onlooker!

There Is Too Little Time!

As we mature (as a TV) this focus on self does dissipate but it takes many years and many outings to finally exorcise the ghost of Trannydom. As I tried to show in my journey through the Tranny world there is a path we go through and we are all at different phases on that journey. People in society are being exposed to so many varying levels of Transvestism they just find it very difficult to comprehend. The worst aspect of this lack of understanding is that many of the general public take certain aspects of what we go through on our journey and immediately label us with a small part of the whole Tranny world. This gives us a poor image in society without it trying to understand us. Best example is the first question you are asked by a partner “is are you gay?” not “how did you come to be like this?”

All hail being a TV. Enjoy being expressive about life and all its foibles. Glory in avoiding the deathtrap of conformity and standing out. Rejoice in your difference you will understand yourself better and this will give you increased confidence. For so many this side of you has been hidden for so long it needs regular exposure to make a statement to the world even if they don’t want to hear it. It’s a rite of passage that given the freedom to do it most TV’s would try. Unfortunately society is still not ready for it because they do not understand it. Nor do we!

I used to say that I liked going out dressed because it was a bit naughty and I was breaking some moral codes of society that I thought were wrong and that gave me the buzz. This was true initially but now I realise part of showing myself off is related to how I feel inside. We use the term ‘sexy’ or ‘turned on’ but that is not the half of it. What is going on inside is the butterfly is emerging from the pupa and the real personality or at least one personality is blossoming. (Sorry too many analogies there but you get my drift) It’s a bit like saying that sometimes you enjoy the calm of a game of chess but at other times you like the whole spectacle of watching a football match. Each event gives rise to different emotions so it is that the man and the TV give rise to different aspects of your personality, which is not necessarily balanced. God help us if you were the same each and every day that would be no fun either!

Showing off is one thing and looking for admiring comments is another which is quite understandable. Chatting about your TV person is also totally acceptable but what is wrong is dominating conversations to the exclusion of all others.

I am no different to any other Tranny chatterboxes in that I enjoy my time being noticed and that rare time to talk about my Tranny side. But I know when I am dominating the conversation and shut up to let others have their say. The ones who go on and on about themselves their life and how it affects them or turns everyone else’s conversation to an experience they have had and then bosses all conversation are just a real pain for whom I have little time. This is a shared world not a world that has to share your experiences!

So I am apologising to all those I berated in my previous sermons who were only having a light conversation about themselves. I am not however a fan of gobby Transvestites because they take up all the room for the rest of us. But I understand why they are as they are and why, sometimes, I have to move to another table.XXX

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Are You Caught In Two Minds?

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I have never hidden the fact that I enjoy, sorry adore, the change of mindset when I dress. I enjoy the switchover from the masculine to the femme side. It helps balance my mind and body allowing me to indulge in the two different aspects of my personality, much of which is hidden when in ‘boy’ mode.

But I also like my male side as well. I actively try to keep the two apart so that I can have my cake and eat it. It has been noticed by others though, that the more Tara gets out the more those mannerisms, actions and ways of speaking that are associated with my TV persona are creeping into my everyday boy side. Note to self… be aware!

Many of my Tranny friends do identify with this. Releasing that the girl allows them to express themselves in ways that are not ‘acceptable’ in boy mode. We do appreciate the fun of dressing up to look good, we do feel sexy in girl mode, we enjoy the softer side we let out in this mindset and we tend to relax much, much more when the femme side is exposed.

A Constant Battle

But it is a bit more than just letting the femme side out. I think that because of how society works and its social pressures we have been conditioned to repress many aspects of our personality which the great and good vanilla people say is ‘not proper’. These traits are hidden under layers and layers of guilt, embarrassment, expectation and conformity. I think the ‘girl’ gives us some kind of permission to indulge in our hidden desires be they sexual, mental or behavioural.

It is not an excuse to say that dressing somehow allows us to ‘play’ in whatever way we like, rather it just releases these wants and fantasies that lie so dormant below the surface. I think that it frees so many frustrations within us and that is why it is such a relaxing activity. A great stress buster.

I have TV friends who say it allows them to enjoy sex in ways they would not do in boy mode, others say they can enjoy BDSM in a much more relaxed and submissive (occasionally dominant) form. Some say it allows them to dress in a fetish way, many say it allows the sub sissy to come out. Most say it allows them to switch off and feel good about themselves for a moment.

A few say it starts them down the TS route because they suddenly feel more comfortable in day-to-day life when dressed as a woman where they can be how they feel inside. It’s oh so complicated and not as one-dimensional as some outsiders would have you believe. What is most important is that we can finally move over to the enlightened side and change our perspective on life. So many say that having visited this side of their personality they find normal day-to-day dinner parties rather boring because the do not have the depth of conversation that they have in girl mode.

But this changeover of mindset does not happen instantly and it takes a bit of introspection to find out what is going on in your head. You probably have to try a lot of things out before you realise what it is that drives you. It’s not schizophrenic its more a duality of personality that you can switch between as your mood takes you. If you like me enjoy playing with both sides that makes for a great life. However if this creates turmoil and gender dysphoria in your head then you have to see a counsellor before it starts to disrupt your thoughts causing stress and strain in your everyday life.

So what do I mean by a change of mindset? It’s not easy to explain as its something going on in your head that makes you realise that the way you are thinking and acting is not what you were doing half an hour ago. Putting on clothes and make up is not a change of mind its crossdressing. And crossdressing normally can be associated with a lot of fantasies and sexual desires that are enhanced by certain aspects of clothing. This is where the crossdresser and the Transvestite are always confused. Confusion also arises with TS’s because they are to all intents a woman not someone who dresses up to show off her alternative persona.

A Transvestite needs to get into a complete situation where the show of hair make up dress heels etc. is an outward manifestation of what is going on inside their head. This is particularly why Trannies tend to dress a bit more overtly than their TS friends. The Tranny is making their own personal statement that this is who they are and is not concerned that they stand out or look like ‘a Tranny’ God Forbid!. If the short skirt the high heels the OTT make up do it for you then that is what you do its part of who you are that is definitely not conformist anymore. It ain’t gonna be hidden! The TS on the other hand is a woman and as such endeavours to blend in and be more of the norm in female society. So many TS’s and women have asked me why do you dress like a Tranny and not like a ‘real’ woman, to which my answer is because I am a Tranny!

Little aside here is I hate the destruction of the words Transvestite and Tranny by our American cousins who see the word as related to purely a person who dresses up in the clothes of the opposite sex for sex! They bastardised the word in the 80’s and 90’s and now frown on it and expect the rest of the world, who kept clear distinctions to adopt their position. They now merge crossdresser and Transvestite into the same package. Stand up for us UK Transvestites and reeducate the Yanks. Rant over!

So when does this change of mind happen? For me it varies. Something I see on the web, in the street or in a conversation conjures up the feelings that make me want to dress. It takes a little time to foment as I have always been a person who likes events not things done on the spur of the moment. I love the whole planning of the look, the outfits how I am going to do things etc. I love the whole build up of expectation as to what I am going to do and how I am going to do it.

I tried to explain this to my partner Susie at her Chateau Femme dressing service. Her clients have booked in most cases several weeks ago and have put a lot of thought into their look and what they want from the day. In the week before they will be very excited by what is going to happen and it will put a lot of pressure on her to deliver something that many find difficult to elucidate. Great that she is psychic! Most of her girls say they love the whole aspect of sitting in the make up chair having her put on the make up it is at that time that their mind turns.

Anyway these thought build up more and more of Tara in my mindset up to the moment when I am in front of the mirror when the male side starts to drift away. Well some aspects. because let’s be honest you are looking at a bloke who is about to put make up on and create the girl. (note to all learn better make up skills)! As my transfer progresses from showering to makeup to dressing I find myself moving deeper and deeper into the femme mindset. In particular, for me, when the wig goes on that normally is the moment of realising you are there! After that its a case of embellishing it with some great heels!

However It is odd that some days I am standing in front of the mirror putting on my makeup or an item of clothing or a wig and expecting that final rush of the change to happen and it just does not occur. For some reason or other I am stuck in a halfway house.

In the past I would carry on regardless and realise after about an hour or two into my time as Tara that in fact I was still a ‘cock in a frock’, I am not relaxing and frustrated with not ‘being there’. The whole event would have felt like a waste of time. Nowadays I tend to realise fairly early on if this shift is going to happen or not and if it’s a NO I just take everything off and go down the pub in boy mode regretting the fact that I miss the genuine deep relaxation that Tara gives me.

Of much more of a concern is how quickly I can switch back into boy mode even when I am on a real high on the femme side . Or maybe that is how quickly I can switch off girl mode and return to true type. Not sure. Certainly I see myself a s a man who likes to get in touch with his feminine side through dressing, not a woman in a man’s body who wants to be out all the time. There is no fun in that! That is why I hate people asking me why I do not dress more often. Tara is special not day-to-day and I enjoy doing to when the mood takes me. Times, place and event vary.

But its is odd that one moment the girl is there and suddenly you realise its gone and you just want to go home and change because you know that it’s not going to come back. This is particularly quick when my friends call me by my male name or start to treat me as one of the lads or boyfriend or the person who is expected to do the fetching and carrying because that is what i might do in boy mode.

The opposite also applies at the end of a particularly good evening when you are on your Tranny high and you do not want to give these feelings up. The whole event has gone so well and you are buzzing, the last thing you want to do is take it all off and return to Mr Vanilla. This come down has to be managed so you create a slow process of taking off the whole person to gradually allow you to go to sleep without feeling too frustrated that this wonderfully relaxed pastime is about to end.

The mind is a wonderful place for experimentation and play. It’s a great place to visit for your highs but can also be a horrible place for your lows. We all probably over think so many things to destruction. But do not let the mind dominate the bad aspects of your life. I have written in the past about Trannying being a coping strategy for many where they retreat into the sexy relaxation of the TV mindset. It is however not a substitute for reality checks nor is putting on a wig. You still have to realise if you are not a TS this is a fun pastime for you to enjoy as you wish.

At the time of writing this its high summer and 28 degrees outside not the time for wearing a Balaclava (wig) for me but for others its something they must do it’s not fun! Enjoy within reason XXX

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Are You Gay?

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September 5, 2018

This was the first question I was asked by my then wife when she found out about Tara. It’s a topic that raises its head time and time again amongst the TV community. Many people fail to understand the difference between gender and sexuality and tightly put people into simple boxes 100% male or 100% female and 100% gay or 100% straight. Modern society is slowly realising there are so many layers to our personality that to confine them to easy to understand boxes is now far too simplistic. I prefer the fact that I think we are gender and sexually fluid and to constrain us to one little box is impossible for all time is just plain nuts. We need to re-think what these traits are.

So what exactly is Gay then? Funny how we don’t us the word homosexual instead we like to us a softer term that in the past meant showing a merry and lively mood, a hedonistic approach to life, not fancying other blokes. That’s one for the psychologists. I am here to discuss the sexual aspects of Transvestism but only I stress from my myopic and very fluid point of view.

Personally I think there are very few totally heterosexual or totally homosexual people in society. OK there may be an occasional one at the extremes just like any bell curve and, more importantly, those who have been brainwashed by various elements of society into being told they are one or the other, but the reality is we all exist somewhere along the continuum. I also think that things such as dressing bring out an exploratory nature to our sexuality and we can change our position along the continuum from time to time as the mood takes us. I can remember in the olden days when you scored a try at rugby the ‘blokes’ would shake your hand, nowadays they mob each other with hugs kisses etc. it’s allowed now, it’s no longer considered gay! Society in general is much more touchy-feely than was thought proper in the past and as a result people are allowed to express themselves in a more open manner

Putting on a dress and make up has a dual effect allowing you to hide behind a mask and express an inner person at the same time.Here you can indulge in private fantasies that are not really a part of your ‘normal’ sexuality but are fun to experiment with. It almost gives you permission to test your own boundaries. Most of the time it’s not about actually having sex its more the feelings it conjures up inside you, a part of you that s hidden. Most TV’s (note not necessarily TS’s) are teasers they like the fact that their dressing messes with people’s perceptions of what men and women are. They enjoy the fact that they are showing off an aspect of themselves which conflicts with the norms of society and in love it when they get the recognition that they seek, which they probably crave, but realise Mr Sexual Norm would never get in day-to-day boy mode.

It’s a release from the confines of ‘normal’ living. Some can take it too far and become a Tranny sensationalist but inside most of us there is an element of wanting to show off a bit.So the dresses are too short the make-up over the top, the heels too high and the wigs too bouffant, but it works for the vast majority of us.

This trapped Genie has to come out of the bottle from time-to-time and almost all of us love to feel sexy, something we rarely feel in boy mode which we refer to as Mr Grey, Mr Yawn, Mr Grumpy, Mr Average etc. So many of the TV’s I know use dressing as substitute for sex which stopped long ago with their partner and need some form of release to feel sexier again. Its their coping strategy for lost sensations.Unfortunately this sends out the wrong notes to many saying ‘that Tranny is on the pull for a guy’. xkgety6i56967fe7d816d039458452

Dressing also brings out other parts of your personality which are probably more gregarious in what they will do. By breaking with what you are meant to do you look at life from a different perspective. You suddenly realise how ‘vanilla’ your life had become you were always talking about events not feelings and emotions. Boy mode tells stories girl mode makes them!

Many of my Tranny friends have said that dressing has allowed them to just enjoy all aspects of life as many of the barriers or taboos have been lifted by them moving away from the constraints of social order. They look at society as having too may strictures that bind and control people’s true personalities. Embracing the TV side allows for experimentation fantasy and fun which might otherwise be frowned upon.There is a need for balance in many people lives a sort of Yin and Yang that needs to live in equilibrium.

My partner Susie finds exactly this at her dressing service Chateau Femme. She has a very strong coterie of Maids and Sissies (which is a strand of Transvestism) that just like to let go. Almost all would say the reason why they like being a maid or a sissy is the fact that in their stressful world they can, for a short time, let go of everything that constrains them in their male side and allows them to express a softer out of control side which balances up their personality. Others find different routes, which is great just as long as it does not harm others.

I find that having quite a strong OCD side to my personality my dressing allows me to relax and switch off. I can enjoy the softer sexier aspects of my personality which lie dormant at other times and are replaced by an organised controlled lifestyle. One irony of this is that in boy mode I can cook rather well, but when in Tranny mode I cannot cook for toffee!

So of course letting go of the boundaries regarding how we look will naturally allow you to look at your sexuality. The problem is that we can get confused with sexy and sexual desires. Also if we dress in a rather provocative way and people start flattering you with compliments which you would never get in the man world then elements of confusion arrive. Many, many, many TV’s have had a homoerotic encounter of one type or another, it is part of their coming of age, there is a need to discover what the hell that is about. It’s a rite of passage, but of those that I have talked to (who would consider themselves heterosexual) about 80% say they would not be doing it again. Dressing allowed them to push their limits because they were running a different mindset. The other 20% do say that they realised as a result of the experience that they are bi-sexual.

Another problem is that few women are interested in having sex with a Tranny we cross too many boundaries and confuse too many of the rules that bind our society. The bulk of TV’s want sex with women but the distinction of who does what to whom and how just buggers up the whole process. (Sorry bugger is probably the wrong word.)I find it takes a very strong women to take on a Tranny because they are effectively going out with two people at the same time. So where does a Tranny who is feeling sexy and/or sexual go?

Our male side enjoys sex we don’t have as many hang ups as women have about it. Love to us is about companionship partnership sharing caring and looking after your partner.

Sex is a fantastic plus, but men also like sex for the sake of sex. Most of us are genetically programmed to want it, sorry need it! Unfortunately this results is an element of promiscuity that is frowned upon and in Tranny mode this can have many manifestations…good and bad!

This would imply that we give into our Id all the time, for some maybe but for the vast majority we make the mistake once learn and move on. The result is a phenomenal number of highly turned on Trannies wishing they could find a girl to enjoy this lifestyle. In turn they are being complimented by real women who say they look fantastic but do not want the complications of a third-party in their relationship who probably has better legs than them!

It also doesn’t help either that a large number of TV’s here in the UK go out to Gay clubs that are more welcoming and friendly to them than the straight bars and as a result are seen as going there to pick up men! They would probably like to go to a straighter (but slightly kinky) environment but don’t want the embarrassment of being vilified in public as not looking like a real woman! So they end up in the wrong place doing the wrong thing for the wrong reasons and then worrying if they have suddenly become Gay!

So to answer the question are you gay? Probably not. You are certainly not absolutely straight but you feel sexy and alive with few societal restrictions on you allowing you to do what you want. So a bit bi-sexual probably but in reality just want some fun with a real woman but sometimes something else will do! Confused? I bloody well hope so! XXX

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Can You Truly Give Up Transvestism?

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March 11, 2018

A friend of mine has decided to give up dressing in order to save his relationship with a woman he loves because she cannot stand him being a Tranny, nor his Tranny friends. I do support him in this, in part, because Trannying to the bulk of us is a great pastime or hobby but not the meaning of life. When 80% of your life is spent in man mode, which you also enjoy, then why should the 20% femme side start to dominate how you should be for the whole of your life.

However from my own bitter experience I would say that whilst you can stop for a period of time I personally don’t believe you can give it up altogether. You purge your wardrobe but the urge to dress does return or at least continues to stay at the back of your mind. If you can stop I think you have a very strong mindset or a great way of controlling your inner self or you have had enough and think it was just a phase you were going through…not! Is It Me

I believe, as I have said in previous posts, that the urge to dress is innate and manifests itself in numerous ways either as a basic desire to look a particular way that makes you feel very sexy or feminine or as a coping mechanism that lets out the feminine side of your personality allowing you to relax and live in the moment. We (Trannies) have to sate these needs from time to time and we never quite know when they will arise. But we can’t say hey darling I am going to dress every Thursday evening from 7 until 10pm. And please do not confuse this with cross-dressing which is really about sexual fantasies linked to particular items of women’s clothing.Yes we all have that in part but Transvestism is about the inner feminine side finding a way to manifest itself.

To try to ensure that we do not give in to ‘the dark side’ we purge our wardrobes, close our social media accounts and throw out any communications devices that we own that might tempt us back into this lifestyle. The act of purging in itself is quite exciting as you persuade yourself into thinking you are turning a new page in your life and you can now look forward to a life without ‘the girl’, because you have been told it’s the wrong thing to do. But in reality it does not address the core issue of why you like dressing, it only moves temptation out of sight.It does not cure anything it just hides it!

After a period of time, from my personal experience, those thoughts and the urge to dress do return. What initially prompts it can be many-fold be it the sight of a woman dressed in a particular way, home problems, personal pressures or sexual issues. The fact is that this is a side of your personality that has to exist in some form or other. It is part of your nature. Yes of course you can stop it just like drinking, smoking, coffee or sugar as it can be detrimental to your lifestyle. But denying it may, no sorry, does cause mild stress over a period of time. It nags away at the back of your mind and the girl does need to be let out.

At first it can be just the sight of a pair of heels on a woman friend a short skirt which can start the memories flooding back. Its a day when you look in the mirror and say I can look so much better than this. Its the lack of sex for a few days/weeks that somehow gets twisted into the sexy feelings you had when dressed. Its the sudden realisation that the dinner party talk amongst your friends is no longer that exciting and you miss being able to discuss the fun of dressing up. Its an article in the news that triggers those old desires. All these things conspire to bring ‘the girl’ back into your mind. How strong and sustained these thoughts are varies but drop by drop they fill up the bucket. Eventually the bucket spills over and ‘it/she’ emerges in your thoughts. How you control this I cannot say, but it is a kind of addiction.

I find as I have got older the intensity of wanting to dress has waned, a little. Don’t get me wrong it is still there but the strength of the need has lessened. But I think this is more to do with the fact that nowadays I can dress when I want. I no longer have to wait weeks or months before the next dressing so the pent up frustration that is unloaded when I dress is not as powerful, or so memorable.

I can remember in the past when I had, for personal reasons, to stop dressing for 4 or 5 months and the immense release of joy/excitement I got from seeing myself dressed in the mirror after that period of time, knowing full well I was where I wanted to be, but only for a short period of time. I didn’t have to do it all the time. I was suddenly relaxed, I was able to switch off from the pressures of life and enjoy the feminine side of my personality that had been denied for so long. I knew it was wrong (as everybody seemed to tell me) but I also knew it was intrinsically right for me and I had to do it from time time.

Unfortunately this was carried out behind the back of my partner. Some say this was pure selfishness on my part and they are probably right as it was a cause for the end of a relationship, but to have denied it would have caused as many problems for me, without it I would have burst!

There are some mad/lucky Trannies who have also had these repressed feelings who, for many reasons, suddenly have the freedom (and have the money) to indulge in this activity at their whim. They are usually the ones who for a short time go absolutely mad for it, dressing at every opportunity buying far too many clothes going out too much and ‘the girl’ dominates their waking hours. Suddenly they realise they have over indulged and immediately regress back into male mode eschewing all the fun of dressing. They take a break thinking right that’s it I have done that and its over. But it’s not.

Its good as I said in my blog A Break Is A Good Thing to take an occasional break from dressing because it can become the norm by default. We start to do it without thinking because its a good place to be, particularly at times of stress. Having time off allows you to reflect on how deep the urge to dress is within you. We always need perspective as to why we do it.

If on reflection you find you are thoroughly frustrated at not being able to dress enough of the time then I would contend you are moving more down the TS route than the TV. ‘TV’s are blokes who like to wear a frock from time to time’ as one of my friends says. But TV’s are intrinsically happy with their male side a well, dressing is just a strong emotional outlet and a way of expressing an inner self as well as being a great relaxing mechanism. To want to dress most of the time means you are probably happier with your feminine side and as such identify much more strongly with that side/part of your personality. No you are not necessarily a woman just happier when the girl side is out. It allows you to express yourself in a way that is much more in tune with your persona. Trannies tend to be more thrill seekers who are out for a short-term hit where they can release the girl but just as easily put her back in the box. Its a fun pastime not the meaning of life. tumblr_ml9ueoJbJb1s5i28jo1_500

This however becomes even more interesting as we approach our mature days. The testosterone in our bodies starts to decline and the feminine softer side (which has always been there) emerges in a much stronger way. There can be great conflicts between the TV and TS side as we may find more solace in the female form. Quite a few of my older Tranny friends say they would have had the chop if the whole thing was more acceptable in the past as it is today. I would say in contradiction that their bodies then were in a different chemical composition and now was not then, the testosterone caused an imbalance in one direction that now wants to rectify itself in some of us. Or we just may have more time to explore the other side at our leisure. It’s one for a future blog.

I think though being able to give up the T side is a very admirable gesture but I also believe the drive within is also very strong. The imbalance this can cause to your system can be detrimental (Assuming the drive is strong). You really do not want stress as its one of the biggest killers. You don’t want loneliness either especially away from the one you love. So a way forward will have to be found that does not mess up your mind too much..Aaargh!

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The Way We Are

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Over Thinking…Under Thinking

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New Year New You…Not Really!

Can We Reclaim The Word Transvestite And Tranny Please

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Are You Caught In Two Minds?

Are You Gay?

Can You Truly Give Up Transvestism?

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